Sarah Am-brrr-Gay

I’m sure to many other people including myself beauty, well someone is beautiful when they don’t want to be thinner or taller, they don’t want another hair color, another eye color, nor do they want to look like Blake Lively or Emma Stone. Thing is everyone knows this but the people who really are beautiful actually believes this, I really don’t posses this though. I don’t posses this beauty, I don’t posses confidence. 

not by choice really but I can’t have long hair if its all dead so I had to cut it.

its still past the shoulders but still…

geez I’m so vain.

I want to be thinner like no other.

I want pants that actually fit right… =_=

I want hair (not color) like blake lively

along with her figure.

I can’t help it I’m a girl.

who lacks confidence.

I hate my thunder thys!

I hate my fatty mcfat arms

arrlkhaslfk

=_=

lately I’ve been so anti social its ridiculous. I just have no motivation to try with the friends I have. I was never close to them and the ones I am close to never have time for me anymore. which is understandable they have school and such. I have school and work so its inevitable. sadly… tis just lonely. plus amanda leaves to move to capital hill in less than a week. Good cuz I get to be in seattle more, bad cuz I’ll have to practice the whole no friends to hang with more, unwillingly. I always try to put effort into it but… ugh seriously?

I need new friends… or a new group of friends.

tis lonely.

this never ending labyrinth. 

I was thinking about why I’m here, then I thought about what would be different if I went to another place. What if I pursued this guy or stopped at all.

nothing seems to be exciting anymore.

all of it is just…annoying. there isn’t anything worth getting excited about. there isn’t anything really to think about other than my already repetitive thoughts but when one already thinks about those thoughts it gets a bit tiring since you have already thought of those thoughts a few minutes ago. theres no point on touching base with those thoughts since they have been touched multiple time (sounds sexually confusing.) All of it is frustrating, every day is uninteresting, more so than the last.

teenagers obsess with romance and shit because there is nothing else in their life worth touching base on. Everything is so dull. I have my books yes, but when one cannot have any soul. When you don’t feel alive you can’t possibly concentrate on books. you can’t feel them if you aren’t alive. By alive I don’t mean I’m depressed, I’m just indifferent with my life. theres nothing about it thats interesting or fun. I can’t even play games without losing interest. I just end up laying in bed, going to work, going home only to find myself wanting to go to bed again.

I don’t know why I’m tired all the time.. idk why I feel as if nothing is interesting. everything is dull and annoying. all I want is to find something worth while again. It seems like this won’t ever happen though. Teenage life is so dull and stupid. I know though that when I’m older I’ll be longing to go back to these days and wish I did so much more. I just don’t know what that “much more” part is referring to. There isn’t anyone interested in hanging with me or has the time to.

I feel alone wondering in that labyrinth. bored as hell

I really really love that play.